Lettuce pray

While eating a sandwich for lunch, it reminded me of times when I’ve seen other people eating sandwiches, and how it annoys me when I see that they’re doing it wrong.

Now there are those special one-ingredient sandwiches, like pimento cheese, that don’t present a problem, but sandwiches that contain various  fixins can quickly become a minefield for the unwary.

Sandwiches are properly built from some type of bread that has been smeared with a condiment such as mayonnaise or mustard. That in itself can be problematic for some people, but I’m not even going to get into that here.

The next thing you add to your sandwich is its primary ingredient, such as ham, chicken or turkey. Cheese is often an option, which I’ll call a secondary main ingredient.

Finally come the fixins, such as lettuce, tomato, onion or green pepper. And it’s precisely at this stage that most of the problems occur.

Memories of past transgressors actually make my hands shake, which caused the blurriness in this photo I’m sharing as an illustration of my point:

My sandwich is a little bit of heaven on the right, and a whole lot of hell on the left.

My half sandwich on the right is close to perfect, while the half on the left, is full of wrongness. Have you spotted the difference?

A proper sandwich should be built with the fixins on top of the meat, not the other way around! I don’t know how anybody could take a bite from a sandwich with the fixins on the bottom, and yet people do it all the time.

Why would anybody eat their sandwich upside down? Lettuce should be crunched through with your top teeth, not smushed up and licked with your tongue!

Ya’ll stop it! I just can’t abide a lettuce-licker!

I know what you’re thinking. You’re thinking this makes two posts in a row that havecropped-red-gnome-hat2.jpg nothing to do with gnomes, after I said at the start that this was going to be a gnome blog.

My advice: Be patient and don’t worry about it. I’ve got two gnome-related interviews in the works, and these things take time. Sometimes sources just drop the ball, plain and simple, and if you’ve ever tried to get a real gnome to honor an appointment, well let me tell you something, it’s certainly no walk in the park.

But seriously, people, while you’re waiting for gnome news, pay attention to how you’re eating. Don’t eat your sandwiches upside down or you just might be pissing somebody off, and that somebody might not even be human!


Add yours →

  1. Who knew a simple sandwich would turn into a big enough deal to wind up in a blog?

    Liked by 1 person

  2. I whole heartedly agree! When making a lettuce and tomato sandwich, the “primary ingredient” would be the tomato. If one tries to construct the sandwich with the lettuce (aka the “fixins”) on the bottom….. the tomato slices will slide off before one can grab the bread to place on top. It’s the simple things we do in life that make the world run more smoothly. Carry on !

    Liked by 1 person

  3. Debbie Farrisi July 12, 2014 — 2:09 pm

    Are we in opposition to just making the bottom bread the top bread, just by flipping it over?? I don’t like the lettuce to hang over the edge.

    Liked by 1 person

  4. We went to Dan’s the other day and I ordered a BLT. When I got it, I noticed (for the first time in my life ever noticing these things) that the lettuce was on the bottom and the bacon on top. I remembered this blog and quickly flipped over each sandwich. I did not confront the staff about this transgression, but enjoyed the newly discovered incisor lettuce crunch.

    Liked by 1 person

  5. A pizza place in San Diego used to put the toppings under the cheese.


  6. Just snorted my sandwich (meat on the bottom) all over my computer screen! I must remember not to read your blog when having lunch.
    I wonder what John Montegu, 4th Earl of Sandwich would have thought about this.

    Liked by 1 person

  7. When I make sandwiches, I put the fixins’ at the bottom AND the top with the main and secondary main ingredients in between. I’m sure you detest me now LOL

    Liked by 1 person

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