While eating a sandwich for lunch, it reminded me of times when I’ve seen other people eating sandwiches, and how it annoys me when I see that they’re doing it wrong.
Now there are those special one-ingredient sandwiches, like pimento cheese, that don’t present a problem, but sandwiches that contain various fixins can quickly become a minefield for the unwary.
Sandwiches are properly built from some type of bread that has been smeared with a condiment such as mayonnaise or mustard. That in itself can be problematic for some people, but I’m not even going to get into that here.
The next thing you add to your sandwich is its primary ingredient, such as ham, chicken or turkey. Cheese is often an option, which I’ll call a secondary main ingredient.
Finally come the fixins, such as lettuce, tomato, onion or green pepper. And it’s precisely at this stage that most of the problems occur.
Memories of past transgressors actually make my hands shake, which caused the blurriness in this photo I’m sharing as an illustration of my point:
My half sandwich on the right is close to perfect, while the half on the left, is full of wrongness. Have you spotted the difference?
A proper sandwich should be built with the fixins on top of the meat, not the other way around! I don’t know how anybody could take a bite from a sandwich with the fixins on the bottom, and yet people do it all the time.
Why would anybody eat their sandwich upside down? Lettuce should be crunched through with your top teeth, not smushed up and licked with your tongue!
Ya’ll stop it! I just can’t abide a lettuce-licker!
My advice: Be patient and don’t worry about it. I’ve got two gnome-related interviews in the works, and these things take time. Sometimes sources just drop the ball, plain and simple, and if you’ve ever tried to get a real gnome to honor an appointment, well let me tell you something, it’s certainly no walk in the park.
But seriously, people, while you’re waiting for gnome news, pay attention to how you’re eating. Don’t eat your sandwiches upside down or you just might be pissing somebody off, and that somebody might not even be human!