If there’s one thing real gnomes hate, it’s being depicted in ridiculous costumes.
I shudder to think what could happen in the homes of people who dare to display this Thanksgiving decoration depicting gnomic Pilgrims and Indians.
It’s the day before Thanksgiving, and all across the United States a lot of food preparation begins today.
If you want to be on good terms with gnomes living in your area (and really, who wouldn’t want to be on good terms with them), forget about silly displays like this. Instead, set some food in bowls outside where it will be quickly discovered by gnomes who are busy with their own holiday preparations.
Gnomes will eat anything you eat, so don’t think of giving them nasty peels or scraps, as that will only succeed in pissing them off.
An offering of fruit, nuts, potatoes, vegetables and cranberry sauce will definitely please them, as will a nice bottle or two of brown ale.
There’s nothing like a nice nap on the sofa after quaffing large quantities of turkey and dressing on Thanksgiving Day. If you don’t want this sacred time spoiled by a blitzkrieg of angry gnomes, a little appeasement now will go a long way tomorrow.
And whatever you do, don’t display any statues of gnomes wearing Pilgrim hats or feathers in your home.
Consider yourself warned!