Giving a voice to sappy packaging

Sappy packaging annoys the hell out of me.

What is sappy packaging, you ask. It’s the box or wrapper that features one or more models who are trying to get you to buy a product by giving unrealistic expectations. If the models could speak, what do you think they’d say?

It’s a little tough to explain, but I think you’ll catch on quickly by looking at the following examples:

 BECAUSE WE ALL WANNA BE SOME EURO DUDE

“There’s no way you’ll look this skeezy when you slip into these new undies!”
“There’s no way you’ll look this skeezy when you slip into these new undies!”

THAT POPOUT HEART ADDS A SUBTLE TOUCH

"Just strap on this push-up bra and men everywhere will mistake you for Kate Upton!"
“Just strap on this push-up bra and men everywhere will mistake you for Kate Upton!”

YOU, TOO, WILL LOOK LIKE A RUSSIAN SECRET AGENT

"You'll be making a real fashion statement with your Hot Buns!"
“You’ll be making a real fashion statement with your Hot Buns!”

SO ELEGANT, YOU’LL WANT TO WEAR LATEX TO THE BALL!

“You’ll feel sexy while scrubbing the toilet in your new Glam Gloves!”
“You’ll feel sexy while scrubbing the toilet in your new Glam Gloves!”

ANY MINUTE NOW, SHE’S GONNA SMELL IT!

“This brand NEVER leaks unspeakable filth onto the rug!"
“This brand NEVER leaks unspeakable filth onto the rug!”

THANK GOD I HAVE A 725EX SERIES ENGINE!

“I just love changing the air filter on my Briggs & Stratton lawnmower engine, and you will, too!”
“I just love changing the air filter on my Briggs & Stratton lawnmower engine, and you will, too!”

IT WILL BE IN THE CARPET, THE SOFA CUSHIONS, EVERYWHERE!

“You’ll look so glamorous after you deck yourself out in this cheap plastic crap … er, jewelry!”
“You’ll look so glamorous after you deck yourself out in this cheap plastic crap … er, jewelry!”

CALMLY PROCEED TO THE NEAREST EXIT

Daddy: “Good thing Mommy bought this safety ladder so we can be cool, calm and collected while escaping the inferno!” Buffy: “Daddy, where’s Mommy?” Daddy: “BERTHA!!!!!”
Daddy: “Good thing Mommy bought this safety ladder so we can be cool, calm and collected while escaping the inferno!”
Buffy: “Daddy, where’s Mommy?”
Daddy: “BERTHA!!!!!”

 

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8 Comments

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  1. Haha! BERTHA… too funny, awesome post

    Liked by 2 people

  2. Have you been shopping in the dollar store again?

    Liked by 2 people

  3. I never look that glamourous when I change the air filter on my Briggs and Stratton. Perhaps that’s why I never seem to meet Prince Charming. I am ordering all of the above immediately! (except for the diapers!) Although with my luck it will be Euro Dude climbing up the fire escape….

    Liked by 1 person

  4. Did you go to Walmart expressly for this, or did the idea occur to you while there? Just curious how you come up with this stuff….

    Liked by 1 person

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