The blue light special


Yes, I really do have a part-time job that involves putting price labels on toilet seats. After 33 years in the newspaper business, it’s a job I’m uniquely qualified to perform.

That’s how I happened to be up close and personal today with the Kohler Cachet Nightlight Q3 EB — close enough to take a gander at the promotional literature.

Now I suppose the opportunity to bathe your buns in the soft blue glow of LED lights is its own reward, and gives a new definition to the term “blue light special.” But the thing that’s really got me perplexed is the language that differentiates between a “task light” and a “guide light.”


The literature says that when the seat is down, there’s a “guide light.” I take that to mean that when a woman puts the seat down, a light comes on to guide her ass to the target. Men, however, get a task light when they put the seat up to perform the same function while standing.

Tasking implies work, does it not? Why is peeing a task for men, while women, presumably, need nothing more than a helpful guide?

It’s enough to make any self-respecting man just leave the seat down when he lets fly. That’ll teach ‘em!


Add yours →

  1. Maybe Kohler should’ve gone with a pink light for women and a blue light for men, and left off the labels altogether. Or — here’s an idea — not tried to sell us yet another useless battery-powered gadget in the first place.

    Liked by 2 people

  2. One of your funniest observations yet! $44.95 for something to help us do what we all learned how to do when we were 2 years old! The real “task” is getting gentlemen to aim properly. Is there a gadget for that?
    BTW-what tune would you have the seat play?

    Liked by 1 person

  3. Perfect musical selection! 🙂
    You should patent your design!

    Liked by 1 person

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