Caint (Do) Pants Trick Day

Make sure you’re in a safe place before trying to put on your pants in an unaccustomed way.

While the rest of the known Blogosphere goes gaga for St. Patrick’s Day, I’ve elected to write about pants. I have three very good reasons:

A) I’m not Irish.
B) Gnomes and leprechauns are bitter enemies, and if I wrote about leprechauns, the gnomes around here would make my life a living hell.
C) I’ve been thinking about pants for several days now, and I just have to get it off my chest … or something.

I’ve already revealed a lot about myself in this blog —  maybe too much —  but this next thing makes me really uncomfortable. Folks, I’m a left-leg-first guy. There, I said it, now the rest should be easier!

Not long ago, the thought occurred to me that I always put on my pants with the left leg first. I don’t know why that thought occurred to me, it just did, and the sad truth is that it doesn’t matter if it’s blue jeans, shorts or underwear (boxers, not briefs), I always balance on my right leg and thrust my left leg into the left-leg hole first. Why is that? I’m right-handed, so wouldn’t it make more sense to put my right leg in first?

I decided to do an experiment, so before writing this essay, I took a shower, toweled off and decided to attempt a right-leg-first entry into my underwear. Of course the motions are all the same, just backwards, so I thought about it for several seconds, took a deep breath, then waded in. I got the right leg in okay, but somehow while raising the left leg, I lost my balance, fell against the wall and damn near castrated myself with my upwardly mobile Fruit of the Looms.

Even after finally getting myself squared away, I have to tell you that I’m still a little unsettled. It just feels like my ass is cloaked in wrongness. I don’t know any other way to describe it.

I don’t think gender makes any difference here, so what about you? Are you a left-legger or a right-legger when it comes to putting on pants? Or, are you, perhaps, pantsidextrous, able to switch from left-leg first to right-leg first on a whim?

Maybe you’ll want to take the poll below. Probably you won’t want to, but maybe you will anyway:

 

My one recommendation is that if you want to try switching from what you ordinarily do, make sure you’re sober as a judge and that there aren’t any sharp objects around when you make the attempt.

Good luck, and let me know how you fared!