While the rest of the known Blogosphere goes gaga for St. Patrick’s Day, I’ve elected to write about pants. I have three very good reasons:
A) I’m not Irish.
B) Gnomes and leprechauns are bitter enemies, and if I wrote about leprechauns, the gnomes around here would make my life a living hell.
C) I’ve been thinking about pants for several days now, and I just have to get it off my chest … or something.
I’ve already revealed a lot about myself in this blog — maybe too much — but this next thing makes me really uncomfortable. Folks, I’m a left-leg-first guy. There, I said it, now the rest should be easier!
Not long ago, the thought occurred to me that I always put on my pants with the left leg first. I don’t know why that thought occurred to me, it just did, and the sad truth is that it doesn’t matter if it’s blue jeans, shorts or underwear (boxers, not briefs), I always balance on my right leg and thrust my left leg into the left-leg hole first. Why is that? I’m right-handed, so wouldn’t it make more sense to put my right leg in first?
I decided to do an experiment, so before writing this essay, I took a shower, toweled off and decided to attempt a right-leg-first entry into my underwear. Of course the motions are all the same, just backwards, so I thought about it for several seconds, took a deep breath, then waded in. I got the right leg in okay, but somehow while raising the left leg, I lost my balance, fell against the wall and damn near castrated myself with my upwardly mobile Fruit of the Looms.
Even after finally getting myself squared away, I have to tell you that I’m still a little unsettled. It just feels like my ass is cloaked in wrongness. I don’t know any other way to describe it.
I don’t think gender makes any difference here, so what about you? Are you a left-legger or a right-legger when it comes to putting on pants? Or, are you, perhaps, pantsidextrous, able to switch from left-leg first to right-leg first on a whim?
Maybe you’ll want to take the poll below. Probably you won’t want to, but maybe you will anyway:
My one recommendation is that if you want to try switching from what you ordinarily do, make sure you’re sober as a judge and that there aren’t any sharp objects around when you make the attempt.
Good luck, and let me know how you fared!