New series: Random Stuff That Drives Me Batshit Crazy

imagesToday marks the beginning of a new occasional series here at Roamin’ Gnomials. Like the title says, I’m calling it Random Stuff That Drives Me Batshit Crazy.

I suppose everyone has their sick little pet peeves, and I’m no different. I mean, there are LOTS of things that make me want to run screaming into the wilderness, so many in fact that I can’t even think of all of them right now. And besides, why should I try to list them all when the truth of the matter is that my list is growing all the time?

Why should I even limit myself to some kind of idiotic Top 10 List, especially when the thing that drives me crazy THIS week might very well be eclipsed by something that drives me even more crazy NEXT week?

Nope, the idea of an occasional series suits me just fine. That way whenever I get wound up about something in particular, I can just dust off the occasional series, and then whatever’s driving me crazy can immediately get top billing.

So here’s what’s driving me batshit crazy today:

PUT THE FREAKING CAP BACK ON THE PEN!

Sweet mother of pearl, just look at all these unretracted pens, and pens with missing caps!
Sweet mother of pearl, just look at all these unretracted pens, and pens with missing caps!

Oh, Jesus, Mary and Joseph, I just want to strangle myself with a length of rusty barbed wire every time I come across a ball-point pen that’s missing its cap!

Why, why, why do people do this? Manufacturers make caps for their pens for a reason, don’t they!?!?!? When people don’t put the cap back on, the caps get LOST, and then the pen DRIES UP, or leaves INKY SPLOTCHES all over the place!

I don’t even know which is worse, coming across pens without caps, or finding caps without pens. Why can’t people just remove the cap, place the cap on the other end of the pen, write whatever it is they need to write, place the cap back onto the business end of the pen, and it’s done! Easy!

You will never catch me buying cappable pens. I don’t care if it’s a Door-Buster Special offering me 50 million Bics for just $1.47, I won’t buy ’em. That’s because I already know what will happen, and I just can’t abide flagrant pen-cap scofflaws. Nope, when I have to buy a pen (or steal one from the bank or doctor’s office), I’ll always look for the clicky-button type. But even that is fraught with peril, because the same people who lose pen caps are also prone to failure when it comes to clicking the freaking button that retracts the pen! Arrrgh!

Even though I refuse to buy cappable pens, the damned things still make their way into my home. There is no escape, and I go through life never knowing when I’ll come across a cluster of stray pen caps, then find the pens in a completely different location, dust boogers already clinging to their oozing balls like inky, half-dried scabs.

Ye gods, I can’t stand it! It makes me want to scream!

Well, I’m glad I got that off my chest, and I’m liking this new series already. Rest assured I’ll be back with more stuff that drives me batshit crazy, and if experience is any indicator, it won’t take long!

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19 Comments

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  1. Yay, a new series! Nothing worse than attempting to chew on someone else’s pen cap only to discover that it’s missing!

    Liked by 2 people

  2. This is definitely a First World problem, Glenn, and seeing how worked up you’ve gotten about it has me worrying about your blood pressure.

    Liked by 2 people

  3. What are “dust buggers”?

    Liked by 1 person

  4. Find a place to volunteer. You have too much free time, son.

    Liked by 2 people

  5. This is going to be a great series, judging from your first entry.

    My pet pen peeve is my boss who takes the pens off my desk, chews on them, and then puts them back. Yuck.

    Liked by 2 people

  6. Do you feel better? 🖊✏️😾

    Liked by 2 people

  7. I hate dusty ink boogers, too. I hate it when there is ink in the bottom of the pen holder (I use tin cans) because of missing caps. In fact, I segregate my pens and pencils into separate holders because I don’t want the pencils to be infected with ink that should never have leaked out in the first place (if the caps had been on like they should have been).

    Liked by 2 people

  8. Sadly, I am writing this from the State PENitentiary where I have been placed following my arrest by the Pen Police. It’s true; I am one of the miscreants who persist in taking the caps off and not replacing them. Not on purpose, of course. So many poor unclothed pens searching my house for their caps… (A gnome must have alerted the authorities!)

    Liked by 1 person

  9. For the sake of Glenn’s sanity (tenuous though it might be), perhaps the manufacturers could emulate the keyboard makers and add a CapsLock to each pen before it heads to market.

    Liked by 2 people

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