Temperatures are still below freezing in many parts of the country, but already the cry of “pitchers and catchers report” has been heard at baseball fields in Florida and Arizona, and that’s a reminder to real men everywhere to start planning their spring wardrobe!
Here at Roamin’ Gnomials, tiny tailors are already working feverishly with needle and thread, and I’m doing my part to spread the news about what the well-dressed man will be wearing by the time his bat strikes the ball and his meat hits the grill.
Leg covering is the most important thing when the chilly winds still blow, but cover with style by donning a clean pair of blue jeans, but of a subtly lighter shade. Faded denim in a robin’s egg blue tells admirers of every feather that you’ve put winter’s dark tones behind, and your hairy man gams are already looking for brighter days ahead!
While spring is all about freshness, custom fraying around the cuffs sends a clear signal that you’re a man of experience who’s already done plenty of marching through March, not to mention April and May!
Don’t forget to make a pitch for your favorite baseball team this spring, even if your favorite team no longer exists! A custom ensemble will grab the attention of admiring females who will demonstrate their appreciation of your sense of loyalty by buying you beers while asking, “Just who the fuck were the Houston Buffs, and why were their caps blue, their shirts brown, and their emblem a nasty baby-shit yellow?”
The advent of grilling season will soon have you brushing the lint from your barbecue aprons, but remember what goes under the apron is just as important as the greasy sauce spilled over the top! Breezy tees are in this season, especially ones emblazoned with the iconography of your favorite brisket joint. And while bringing home the bacon (and other unhealthy foods for the grill), do it while wearing an eye-catcher that lets the world know where you shop!
Always remember to put your best foot forward, and why not send a clear message this season that will not only be a boon to your health, but also your wallet?
You’ll be marked as a frugal guy with a no-nonsense approach when you show up at the pool wearing custom flip flops made from soda bottles, and the ladies will nod approvingly when you tell them your shoes are also environmentally responsible! Your next pair of shoes is always as close as that next empty bottle of Coke, and since plastic bottles don’t absorb sweat, your feet will feel fizzy and fresh while resisting those fungal diseases that are a such a turnoff!
Remember, guys, spring is nature’s showy season, and with just a little planning now, you can show everyone that when it comes to sartorial splendor, you’ve got the balls to get into the game, and are ready to swing the bat!