Guys, it’s not too soon to plan your 2016 spring wardrobe!

Not just no, but HELL NO! Don't be content to wear what the designers tell you. Set your own style!
Not just no, but HELL NO! Don’t be content to wear what the designers tell you! Be bold enough to set your own manly style!

Temperatures are still below freezing in many parts of the country, but already the cry of  “pitchers and catchers report” has been heard at baseball fields in Florida and Arizona, and that’s a reminder to real men everywhere to start planning their spring wardrobe!

Here at Roamin’ Gnomials, tiny tailors are already working feverishly with needle and thread, and I’m doing my part to spread the news about what the well-dressed man will be wearing by the time his bat strikes the ball and his meat hits the grill.

A lighter hue of faded blue is what real men will be wearing this spring!
A lighter hue of faded blue jeans, top, is what real men will be wearing this spring!
Custom fraying at the cuffs will show the world that you March to a different beat!
Detail shows custom fraying that tells the world you March to the beat of a different drum!

Leg covering is the most important thing when the chilly winds still blow, but cover with style by donning a clean pair of blue jeans, but of a subtly lighter shade. Faded denim in a robin’s egg blue tells admirers of every feather that you’ve put winter’s dark tones behind, and your hairy man gams are already looking for brighter days ahead!

While spring is all about freshness, custom fraying around the cuffs sends a clear signal that you’re a man of experience who’s already done plenty of marching through March, not to mention April and May!

Consider a carefully crafted ensemble that not only show the world you're a baseball fan, but a fan of teams that no longer exist!
Consider a carefully crafted ensemble that not only shows the world you’re a baseball fan, but the fan of a team that no longer exists!

Don’t forget to make a pitch for your favorite baseball team this spring, even if your favorite team no longer exists! A custom ensemble will grab the attention of admiring females who will demonstrate their appreciation of your sense of loyalty by buying you beers while asking, “Just who the fuck were the Houston Buffs, and why were their caps blue, their shirts brown, and their emblem a nasty baby-shit yellow?”

Slaving over a hot pit can be hot work, so wear something with a catchy slogan that is also white enough to display the spills with pride!
Slaving over a hot pit can be hard work, so wear something with a catchy slogan that is also white enough to display the spills with pride!
Where you shop for food sends a clear signal to the world about the person you are!
Where you shop for food sends a clear signal to the world about the kind of person you are!

The advent of grilling season will soon have you brushing the lint from your barbecue aprons, but remember what goes under the apron is just as important as the greasy sauce spilled over the top! Breezy tees are in this season, especially ones emblazoned with the iconography of your favorite brisket joint. And while bringing home the bacon (and other unhealthy foods for the grill), do it while wearing an eye-catcher that lets the world know where you shop!

Always remember to put your best foot forward, and why not send a clear message this season that will not only be a boon to your health, but also your wallet?

Foot fungus is eliminated when you keep your shoes stay as fresh as your last empty Coke bottle!
Nasty foot fungus like this is eliminated when your shoes stay as fresh as your last empty bottle of Coca-Cola!
Make a bold statement this spring with environmentally responsible flip flops made from empty Coke bottles.
Make a bold statement this spring with environmentally responsible flip flops made from empty Coke bottles.

You’ll be marked as a frugal guy with a no-nonsense approach when you show up at the pool wearing custom flip flops made from soda bottles, and the ladies will nod approvingly when you tell them your shoes are also environmentally responsible! Your next pair of shoes is always as close as that next empty bottle of Coke, and since plastic bottles don’t absorb sweat, your feet will feel fizzy and fresh while resisting those fungal diseases that are a such a turnoff!

Remember, guys, spring is nature’s showy season, and with just a little planning now, you can show everyone that when it comes to sartorial splendor, you’ve got the balls to get into the game, and are ready to swing the bat!

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18 Comments

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  1. Well, I don’t know a lot about men’s spring fashion, but that young guy does have nice legs.

    Liked by 2 people

  2. Oh Hell NO! Somewhere ugly Christmas sweaters are laughing. I hope that’s a fashion statement I never see in real life!
    Now that Piggly Wiggly t-shirt is awfully cute and barbeque appropriate. Although I’m partial to seeing the grill master with nothing on under the apron. 😉

    Liked by 1 person

  3. I like the Buffs cap. A daring dude would wear that and nothing else — hence “the Buffs.”

    Liked by 2 people

  4. “Daring” is in my vocabulary, but no longer part of my lifestyle.

    Liked by 1 person

  5. Funny stuff you have here. Where I live, the shorts start showing up when it reaches 40 degrees. ☺

    Liked by 1 person

  6. Jason Fredric Gilbert February 19, 2016 — 4:57 am

    Paris, New York and Milan watch out! Who knew you were such a trendsetting fashionista…

    Liked by 2 people

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