Random stuff that drives me batshit crazy: Writer’s block

screamAnyone who has followed my blogging career would laugh at the notion that I’m ever afflicted with Writer’s Block. After all, there are 220 posts here on Roamin’ Gnomials, and another 49 unique posts on my alternate site, A Year in the Death of One Manso really, how bad could it be?

But anyone who’s been keeping score knows it’s been awhile since I posted anything, and let me tell you, it’s not because I haven’t wanted to, but because I’m hopelessly blocked. There doesn’t seem to be anything I can do about it either, and the experience is driving me batshit crazy!

During my long sojourn through this Writing Wasteland, I’ve looked for advice on how to cope:

  • Nothing is worse than a blank page. Just start writing, and soon you’ll be back in the flow! Hogwash, I say. When every idea I come up with sucks, a blank page looks far, far better!
  • Don’t fight it. Use this time to recharge your batteries, knowing that when the time is right, you’ll be able to write again! Easy for you to say, you’re not 60 years old like me! My batteries are already depleted, and waiting around for them to recharge might prove fatal!
  • Read, read, read for inspiration! Bullcrap! While a lot of you have indeed written beautifully and inspirationally during my absence, seeing your words is just a reminder of how much I suck, and it’s not helping! It’s like that quicksand scene from “Lawrence of Arabia,” but with Überblogger Victo Dolore trying to throw me a lifeline that I can’t quite reach.

You know what Writer’s Block really is? It’s a dose of reality. When you’re not suffering from the disease, you can delude yourself into believing that others are actually interested in what you have to say. But once you’re infected, it’s like a cold slap in the face, because you see the truth that no idea is good enough!

For instance, I had the bright idea that I could write about the first apples of the season at my local farm, but thanks to Writer’s Block, I soon realized the truth, which is that anyone can go to their local grocery store and see about a bazillion apples, so there’s absolutely nothing special or interesting about mine.

I thought I could write about my son and his family moving back to the East Coast, but I decided that millions of people move into new digs every day of the week, and writing about my son’s move would be incredibly boring to my readers, who don’t know Aaron from Adam.

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Then I thought I could write about my new ghost bride. Now there’s a topic that under normal circumstances might have produced a spirited blog post that would have been just as creepy as it was funny. But no, even though I snapped the pictures, once I sat down to write, Writer’s Block told me the truth, which is that early September is way too early to be posting about Halloween decorations, and nobody would care.

My situation is desperate, and there doesn’t seem to be any cure. All I have left is my old standby, the gnomes, but the sad truth is that if you’re depending on those ruthless little ankle-biters to save you, then you might as well go ahead and admit it’s a lost cause, and that Writer’s Block is enough to drive you batshit crazy!

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22 Comments

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  1. You know, I get that whole jealousy thing when I read everyone else’s blogs, too! Dang. Why didn’t I think of that?!??!!? Thank you for making me laugh by calling me an überblogger. 🙂

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  2. I asked Carol once if she ever got writer’s block and she gave me the nastiest look I ever got from her. “Don’t ever say those words to me,” she said with a look that said she would like to put a dagger through my heart. I never said it again.
    It’ll pass, Glenn.

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  3. A wise woman (but much younger than me, damn her) once told me that it isn’t possible to write something that hasn’t already been written by someone else, but that the trick is to write it better than everyone else or at least from a unique viewpoint. True, lots of people could write about apples, but not everyone could make us laugh the way you probably would. Your talent makes your posts special and interesting, not so much the subject matter.

    And now, having said that, I need to take my own advice and get over my own writer’s block. I won’t write about apples, though – I’ll leave that to you.

    Liked by 1 person

  4. Have you tried writing while crouching on your Squatty Potty®?

    Liked by 1 person

  5. And here I was so jealous of you being able to write breezily on the most inconsequential of things 😉 This to shall pass – at least that’s what I keep telling myself 😦 – just hang in there. Btw did pretty well here 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

  6. Eagerly waiting to read your Ghost Bride post! No pressure! 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

  7. It’s awful. “I will never write again. I have nothing original to say.” But there’s only one you and how you see those apples and what they mean. So screw originality. P.S. Our pets are my gnomes.

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  8. You need to start visiting graveyards again. That’s where you are at your best!

    Writer’s block? Geez, look at me. I’ve essentially shut down my blog to “recharge.” I’m usually at my best during the colder months anyways.

    Liked by 1 person

  9. I can really relate to how reading other people’s work can leave you utterly depressed. How do they manage to assemble words into such enticing sentences while I can’t? It makes me just want to go back and look at all of my lovely blank pages and curse writer’s block over a glass of wine (or two, possibly three).

    Liked by 1 person

  10. It is never too early for Halloween decorations, that’s my motto.

    Liked by 1 person

  11. Writers block, if it don’t fit, don’t force it. Move on to something more fun and creative

    Liked by 1 person

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