Blogs: ‘Give me your tired, your poor, your huddled masses . . .’

A couple of things happened recently with one dire consequence. But let’s not talk about the dire part until first discussing how it came about.

1. 

   The subject of gnomes arose over a hot plate of jägerschnitzel and an ice-cold beer.

   Over a sumptuous weekend dinner that included potato-leek soup, jägerschnitzel and a delicious beer, my wife had the audacity to actually criticize Roamin’ Gnomials!  I almost spewed my spaetzle when she said, “There aren’t very many gnomes on your blog. I think it was a mistake calling it that.”

2. Then today, Amaya911, perky author of the Life of an El Paso Woman blog, nominated me to participate in one of the many writing challenges which, along with sundry blogging awards, are known to percolate through the WordPress community.

Okay, let’s take these one at a time:

• First, my wife is correct that there aren’t a whole lot of gnomes on Roamin’ Gnomials. Of course if my blog was all about gnomes, I’d have even fewer readers than I already have. So why did I call it that? If readers really want to know why this blog is called Roamin’ Gnomials, all they have to do is go read about it on my FAQ page. But hey, don’t bother going there now, because I’m going to tell you that the blame for the title rests solely on the shoulders of my daughter’s former co-worker, an Irish expat living in Maryland. So you see, it’s not really my fault at all that you’re confused by the title!
• Second, the writing challenge from Amaya911. Now I really appreciated being nominated, but had to turn it down because this is going to be a really busy week with the holidays and everything, and the guidelines for the writing challenge stipulate that I’d have to post on three consecutive days, which I just can’t do. I politely declined the nomination, and Amaya911 kindly suggested that I take it up later, which I might do if I actually survive the holidays.

You’re probably wondering how those two seemingly unrelated events are connected. You probably also suspect that I have a nonsensical explanation!

You see, long before my wife said anything about the title, I’d already given thought to how I might work more gnomery into the blog, just to satisfy the genuine gnome zealots that are out there. Another thing I’ve been thinking lately is why nobody ever gives me any of those blogging awards, even though I’ve been blogging my ass off for a couple of years now! So when Amaya911 nominated me to participate in the writing challenge today, I thought it might be a first step toward finally getting me off the schneid when it comes to challenges, awards and other honors that WordPress high rollers take for granted.

Taken in concert, those thoughts fostered an idea, which began to move through the bowels of my brain like a hot, fetid wind. And that finally brings me to the dire consequence. Meet the Gnomey:

It won’t take long before the Roamin’ Gnomials Hidden Gem Award is the most coveted award in all of WordPress!

The Roamin’ Gnomials Hidden Gem — Gnomey for short — is my very own blogging award that will soon be the most sought-after piece of hardware on the entire WordPress landscape! But winning one won’t be easy!

Actually, there are only two requirements for winning a Gnomey, but they’re doozies:

1. You have to consistently post good material, with most of the words spelled correctly.
2. Your blog can’t already have a bazillion followers and generate 500 Likes every time your finger twitches toward the blue Publish button. Of course I won’t actually know how many groupies you have, but my impression must be that you don’t have more than me.

The Gnomey is for Hidden Gems, blogs that — for whatever reason — haven’t risen to glory despite all the tears and hard work that have been put into them. If you’re lucky enough to win a Gnomey, think of it as your reward for at least being appreciated by the crazy gnome guy. Maybe one or two of my three or four total readers might even trickle over to your blog to see what all the excitement is about. If I notify you that you’ve won, you can then copy the picture of the award and keep it on your blog’s mantlepiece for as long as you want. Or, if you really don’t have any class, you can just ignore the whole thing and settle back into the obscurity that you so richly deserve!

Of course I already know quite a bit about having no class. I also know a little something about being downtrodden, so I figure those qualities make me uniquely qualified to be the sole Judge, Jury and Executioner when it comes to dealing out Gnomies. Besides, it’s my award so I get to make up the damned rules!

That doesn’t mean I won’t listen to suggestions! If you know of a good blog that seems a little under the weather, perhaps just slightly out of focus due to a weird title that doesn’t make any sense, be sure to let me know about it and I’ll give it a look to see if it meets my exacting standards. Who knows, you might be a winner!

Stay tuned for the bestowal of the very first Roamin’ Gnomials Hidden Gem Award, coming later this week or next. In the meantime, let the suspense build!