The best guacamole has a few chunks

Four for $5 seems pretty steep to me, but what if I could get them for less?
Four for $5 seems pretty steep, but what if I could get them for less?

Something I read last night before bedtime had me tossing and turning late into the night.

You should probably go read the original since it contains lots of interesting ideas besides the one I’m going to write about, but the description of a woman yarking onto her supermarket’s avocado display really did it for me.

The thing is, I love Mexican food, and that certainly includes a well-made guacamole salad. I’ve been told that I make a damned fine one myself, and maybe it was the thought of all that waste that had me upset.

I went shopping just the other day, in fact, and thought to buy some avocados, but was put off by the price. I don’t know what the going rate is for avocados in your neighborhood, but around here they’re currently priced at four for $5, which is more than I want to pay, especially when they’re all as hard as a rock. I know they were hard as a rock because I groped ’em all before giving up in frustration.

But last night as I stared at the ceiling, I started to wonder if I’d have bought those avocados if they’d been cheaper, like maybe if they’d been covered in vomit. Of course the immediate reaction is one of revulsion, but let’s not be hasty! Avocados have a thick skin, right, so it’s not like a spattering of puke is going to penetrate. We have things like hand sanitizer, and the barf could be washed off even before the skins are completely removed, right?

So now I’m thinking that if the grocery manager had offered a deep discount, I might have taken a chance. I could be eating a cold, chunky pukeamole salad right now. I’m positively salivating at the thought, how about you?




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  1. Glenn, surely you should know by now that avocados need a few days to ripen after you buy them. If they are mushy at the store, they are probably already overripe and you don’t want that. That said, those avocados look a little too green for my liking. I prefer the ones that are darker, almost black. It’s not too late for you to move back to Texas, you know. I’m contemplating moving to San Antonio myself.

    Liked by 3 people

    • Yeah, I know the ins and outs of avocados all right. That photo was taken today, just for the purpose of writing this post. When I was checking ’em over the weekend, there were several dark, seemingly ripe ones, but they were also hard, which led me to believe they weren’t any good.

      Liked by 1 person

  2. Might we remind you that vomit includes large amounts of bile and stomach acid, which is likely to work its way through that seemingly thick skin before you can hose it all off. With our long personal history, though, it wouldn’t surprise me to learn that you truly intend to stick a finger down your throat to make yourself hurl all over your market’s avocado display and snag some cheap — or even for free. So do let us know how your barfocado guac turns out, and whether anyone else in your family deigns to partake with you.

    Liked by 2 people

  3. Truly, the Frigid North has freeze-dried what few functioning gray cells you had left.

    Liked by 3 people

  4. Oh…. Gross haha. Someone offering to buy the avocados at a discount after they’ve been puked on would creep me out more than watching the actual puking. You are much braver than I. Lol

    Liked by 2 people

  5. Deborah Farrisi March 1, 2016 — 3:25 pm

    Ask for more hours at Home Depot, you have wayyyyy to much free time on your mind. sheeeeesh.

    Liked by 2 people

  6. I agree 4/$5 is too much. I’ll buy day old rolls but I draw the line at puked-upon produce.
    (Note to self: Do not have dinner at Glenn’s house on taco Tuesday.)

    Liked by 1 person

  7. Jason Fredric Gilbert March 1, 2016 — 10:51 pm

    In this country you can buy a camel, two goats and a bride for the price of an avocado…

    Liked by 2 people

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